


Things We Lost to the Flames

by ungarmax



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, offscreen Taako/Kravitz, past Magnus/Julia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 23:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21310582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ungarmax/pseuds/ungarmax
Summary: A vignette about Magnus and Taako trying to come to terms with the fact that they had had a relationship on the Starblaster and what that means for them now.Written for the prompt "recovering memories" for Taagnus Week (@taagnusweek) on tumblr.
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides/Taako
Comments: 8
Kudos: 52
Collections: The Taagnus Week Collection





	Things We Lost to the Flames

The memories didn’t all come back at once.

Lucretia’s words had reconstructed the support beams of the Story of their stolen century, and for the time being, that was all Magnus needed to move forward. The bare skeleton of his memories were enough to remind him how to fight the Hunger; his mind didn’t have time to process the rest just yet. Too much to do, for now. Save the world first, think about it later.

But they did save the world, and there was celebration and joy and hugs from people he loved, and then there was the down time. He had slept like a rock that first night, clean through until the following afternoon.

With that down time came more memories. If Lucretia had given him his memory’s structure, then his mind was slowly filling out the gaps of the story just by association. When he lay down on his bed back in the BOB quad, he found himself mentally comparing it to his bed on the Starblaster. When he showered off the next day and used up all the hot water, his mind went back to the hot springs in cycle 78 that were so relaxing he had nearly drowned in one after falling asleep there.

Sometimes things would just pop into his head, seemingly at random. He could be minding his own business, eating breakfast, and without warning the wonder of the cave where he had first met Fisher would fill his mind. Or he would be cleaning Rail Splitter’s blade and he would be suddenly struck with memory of coaching the Tesseralia Losers.

It was sort of strange how long it took him to remember Taako, though.

Things didn’t feel very different somehow, even though they were. Taako’s smiles had always made something in his chest flutter a little bit, after all. That had never changed, not the first time they met or the second. But then, he had looked at Taako and had _known_, somewhere deep inside of him, that Taako got giggly when drunk on wine and that he had a small constellation of freckles on his lower stomach that spread down onto one thigh and that he never made eye contact when he said, “I love you.”

And then, only then, did Magnus realize exactly how much he had lost when Lucretia had taken his memories away.

It was harder to sleep that night.

He had had another chance, he was pretty sure. He’d been attracted to Taako from the moment they had met – both times – but this time around, he had gently rebuffed Taako’s casual flirting rather than returning it and made it clear that he wasn’t really interested. Taako had let the topic drop and turned his attentions elsewhere.

Magnus had thought he could never love someone like that again after Julia. She permeated every aspect of his life, and her loss loomed over him constantly like a storm cloud just on the verge of breaking open into a rainstorm. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t see something and think, _Julia would have loved to see that_, or spoken to someone and considered how she would like them. It was just too much. While it had dulled somewhat, it never got better. He couldn’t survive losing someone like that again.

It felt like some sort of dramatic irony, then, remembering those long nights on the Starblaster, curled up around Taako and thinking about how head over heels in love with this elf he was. He had already lost someone, and his fear of getting hurt again had kept him from getting him back.

He was still awake some hours after going to bed when his door opened without warning and someone slipped inside. He knew it was Taako in spite of the darkness of the room; he recognized something in that movement, the pattern of his footsteps.

“You awake, big guy?” Taako whispered.

“Yeah.”

He closed the door soundlessly behind him and walked over to the bed. “Well, move over. Make room for ya boy.”

Magnus had no idea what to expect here, but he couldn’t say no to a good Taako cuddle. He rolled back far enough that his back was against the wall, giving Taako ample space to curl up under the covers with him.

Sharing sleeping space was comfortable and relaxed. Even after joining the BOB, missions occasionally called for days long journeys, and Taako was something of a heat leech who liked to curl up next to Magnus or Merle for warmth. It was different now. Magnus moved automatically to wrap his arms around Taako, and Taako let out a quiet breath and pressed his forehead against Magnus’ chest. It was nice to find out that the two of them still fit together like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

They lay there in silence for a long moment, until Taako shifted around a little. “Is this weird? Me coming in here like this? It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“Probably,” Magnus acknowledged. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

“Okay. Good. Cause I know we’re not...I mean, I don’t know what we are, now, but things aren’t...like they were.”

Magnus was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss Taako and shush him to reassure him that it was all right. He didn’t.

“I don’t mind, Taako,” he said instead, smoothing his hand over Taako’s hair.

There was silence between them again for a few minutes, until Taako smushed his face against Magnus’ collarbone and mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Frowning, Magnus drew back a little bit so he could look at Taako. “Sorry for what?”

Taako petulantly looked up at him. “I feel like...uh, I know it’s stupid, but I feel kinda like I’m cheating on you with Kravitz, s’all.” He turned his face away.

“Don’t be stupid,” Magnus replied, rolling his eyes. “You didn’t remember we had a thing. Do I need to apologize for marrying Julia? ‘Cause I’m not gonna do that.”

“But...”

But Julia was dead. Magnus was, essentially, single. Taako wasn’t.

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Kravitz is a good guy. He’s real good for you, dude. I don’t – I don’t hold it against you. I mean, we’re not really – we’re not exactly a _thing_ anymore.”

Taako pulled away sharply. “Oh,” he said. Magnus couldn’t see his face in the darkness, but he could hear the hurt in his voice.

“..._are_ we?” Magnus asked, somewhat confused. He had been pretty certain the point of this conversation was to make Taako feel better about moving on and seeing someone else.

“No, obvs, you’re right, I’m just – I thought, never mind, it’s cool. I should probably, uh, go,” Taako said, wriggling in Magnus’ arms as he tried to escape.

That was not a sign of a happy Taako. Magnus held him there in bed, rolling part way on top of him. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re full of bullshit right now, man,” he pointed out. “Let’s talk about this. You were thinking of us as still together?”

“Nooo, Mags, you’re the worst,” Taako whined, but he gave up on his feeble escape.

“Yeah, I know.” Magnus rolled back off of him but didn’t let go. “What’d I do wrong here, Taako? I...thought you were looking for an out.”

“Oh, _fuck_ you, of course I wasn’t – babe, please, we were dating for like sixty years,” Taako mumbled, sounding miserable. “I’m not looking for a way to get out of this, I’m – this feels a lot more like you breaking up with me, from where I’m standing.”

The idea of the two of them still being a thing now had never even crossed Magnus’ mind. Yes, he loved Taako, and he always would, but...there was Julia, and there was Kravitz. He had assumed Taako would keep moving forward and leave the past in the past. He was at peace with that. The idea that Taako didn’t want to give him up actually frightened him a little.

“I’m not...I...I didn’t think you’d _want_ to stay with me,” he admitted.

“Then you’re an idiotic garbage man, and I’m the fucking moron in love with you,” Taako huffed. “Are you fucking serious? You’re a human, for fuck’s sake, you’d think sixty years would mean _more_ to you.”

“It’s not that, it’s just...you and Kravitz, and I’m...” He couldn’t find the proper words.

“Listen, babe. Krav is...I, uh, I think I love him? But...he’s not...” Taako made a sound of annoyance. “This is a mess.”

“Yeah,” Magnus murmured, suddenly profoundly sad.

He thought about the handful of times Taako had died and he hadn’t during their century long voyage, thought about how much it stung to know that he still had so far to go before he could protect the ones he loved. He thought about Julia, who didn’t come back when the year was over, who was just dead forever and ever. He thought about how someday, Taako was going to die too, and sure, that’d probably be long after he died, but that only meant Taako had to feel that pain.

His chest hurt, and his eyes stung. He had been so sure that Taako wouldn’t want to stay with him. It would have been so much easier to not have to think about a relationship ever again and to coast by with a feeling of regret every time he saw Taako. Sure, it would have hurt forever, but so did the pain of Julia’s death. It was the kind of pain he knew how to deal with.

This? The fact that he might actually have an option in the matter, the idea that Taako still loved him and didn’t want to give him up? This he didn’t know how to fix.

“Taako...I don’t...I don’t know if I can go back to what we had before,” he whispered. “I-it’s not that I don’t want to, I just...things are different now.”

“...yeah,” Taako replied, sounding tired. “Everything’s fucked up now, huh? I don’t even – I dunno, it’s like I got two different people in my head, two instincts on how to act, and I don’t know which one is _right_. Who’s Taako? Fuck if I know.”

“_Fuck_, I know, right?” Magnus sighed, finding it a weird relief that Taako had managed to voice his own feelings. “It’s like trying to figure out how to fit ‘actual space explorer’ into my personality profile, and I don’t have a clue where to slide that in.”

“_Yeah_,” Taako breathed. “Fuck. Half the time I still forget I have a sister, you know that?”

“Good thing she’s constantly around to remind you.”

Taako laughed tiredly. “Yeah.”

The conversation drifted into silence again while thoughts played and replayed through Magnus’ mind. Taako still loved him. He still loved Taako. Taako wanted to talk about their relationship and where they stood with one another. He wanted to...he didn’t know what he wanted. Half of him was pulling toward Taako, screaming at him to never let go of him again. The other half was reminding him over and over that Julia’s death was on his hands, and that he would be betraying her if he pursued this.

Taako had been absolutely right when he had said everything was fucked up now. Magnus wondered, briefly, if it was ever going to be less fucked up.

“I...don’t think we should talk about this now,” he finally said, breaking the silence.

Taako made a quiet scoffing sound, turning in his arms.

“No, I mean...you said it, right?” Magnus persisted. “Everything’s fucked up now. But I’m willing to bet we’ll probably figure ourselves out a little bit in time. God, it’s been like a _day_. Let’s just coast for a little while?”

Taako stilled, going silent for a long moment. “Guess nobody can accuse me of not wanting to put off hard decisions, huh?” he mumbled. “Okay. Sure, fuck it. Let’s flail around until we figure out what to do. Sounds like a great plan.” He paused. “Can I, uh, sleep in here sometimes, still?”

“Only if I get to be the little spoon,” Magnus said.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me right now? Me? _Moi?_ Taako from TV, savior of the mutliverse? The big spoon? I’d take up about a third of your weird giant back, kemosabe,” Taako argued. “Also, you like snuggling me too much to be the little spoon.”

“That’s true,” Magnus conceded. “But I wouldn’t hate having a jet pack once in a while. Since it turns out...we’re from space?”

Taako snorted and then yawned widely. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Cool.” He pulled Taako a little bit closer and pressed his nose into his hair. “G’night, then, Taako. I love you.”

He smiled in the darkness when Taako turned his face away shyly. “Love you too, big guy.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this is a little light on the Taagnus, and I hope you'll forgive me. The intention is for them to eventually settle into an OT3 with Kravitz, but these things take time to settle into.
> 
> If you enjoyed this, please consider leaving a comment or a kudo. It means a lot to me.
> 
> If you want to see more from me, you can find me at @ungarmax on tumblr or @ungarzack on twitter. Thank you for reading!


End file.
